You'll Never Guess My Secret Identity...

I now have the same amount of money as I did before I started at Comcourse. It took me 3 months to blow through a year's worth of savings. Had I not bought my TV and computer the month before I was fired, I would not have reached this point until August or so. But I spent that money, so it's not savings, and is therefore irrelevant to my calculations. If I hadn't bought all that food and clothing and rent, my savings would have lasted me an infinite amount of time since I wouldn't be spending it on anything. So there you go.

My new job starts on either the 2nd of the 16th. They're not sure and that makes me unsettled. It also makes me want to spend money. Since everyone I met at my previous job no longer contacts me and I am about to enter a completely new environment with completely new people, I can adopt a new image. I'm pretty sure it won't be entirely fraudulent, but I won't know for sure until it manifests. I want piercings and bandannas and a new bag and new clothes and a doormat that says, "Welcome" in binary.

Money is the basis of all identity.

I'm pretty sure new me will still be real me. I can't act against my character. I have tried in the past and failed. A new bag can't change that. Though I kind of wish it could. That's sort of the point.

I imagine myself looking tough and badass and blowing into a room, no one daring to hold eye contact. Unfortunately, in this vision, I look very much like a man. I would prefer to achieve this effect without subscribing to some male power structure, but that won't work. I keep my hair a quarter of an inch long and I feel stronger because of it.

I'm due for a buzz. I'm still at my parents' place. I went home yesterday and spent the night in my own apartment. I was just upset and wanted to be alone. My toilet was not yet repaired, so I refrained from eating and peed in the tub.

So many shameful things happen in my bathroom.

The maintenance guy was there today and he tightened some flanges, apparently. I have to pay for the plumber. The leak continues, but he thinks it will "seal itself in a few days." If not, they have to turn off water to the entire building to correct whatever it is I broke.

I am certain it will come to that. It took multiple visits for them to fix my bathtub during those months it stopped draining. Same for the leaky ceiling in my kitchen.

I'll just stick a bucket under the back of the toilet and pretend everything is fine. I'm already thinking up multiple margarine container layouts. Tubes and whatnot.

I'll probably be back at my apartment tomorrow (it would have been too much hassle to pack up everything tonight). I feel badly that my cats have to return to a one-bedroom apartment after being allowed to run around a multi-level house for three days. I may have to just stuff them back into their little cages and transport them back here within a few days anyway, depending upon the state of the toilet.

I still feel ridiculous about this entire thing. I need to become a different person as soon as possible