Shut-in Mind

Why does CNN continue to gravely announce new evidence that suggests the justification for the war on Iraq was baseless? Are there still humans surprised by this? If those people didn't catch on years ago, "facts" will do little to sway them. After all, as Stephen Colbert says, facts have a known liberal bias.

Last night, I dreamt the Colbert Report came to Burdusy and I was in the audience. Stephen wanted to order pizzas and I was able to guess the toppings he was going to request. He concluded I was psychic and asked me to help him find the house at which he was staying. The most efficient way to do this was apparently to load him into a shopping cart and push him like a baby in a carriage through town.

I was on par with the local street toughs and, when one bandana-wearing badass wanted to push the cart for me, I was able to talk him out of it, but it did require a large detour -- Stephen and I had to cut through the train yard instead of taking the underpass. I was concerned about being hit by a train and I didn't want to dream that so I woke myself up.

Later, in another dream, I was in my mother's old Saturn, driving to a court appearance. The brakes weren't working and I had to use the parking brake. This amused everyone I passed. I also wasn't really wearing clothes; just a loosely wrapped sheet. I was generally pissed when I arrived at the courthouse.

It turned out I was being sued. I sat and waited in the hall for the judge to call me up and I found myself sitting next to my old boss from Comcourse. He was the one suing me for violating confidentiality. He was demanding $44.44 -- a day's pay. He would also seek all court costs and the total would then be $50.56. Or I could just openly apologize and admit that I was wrong. I chose to pay the $50.56.

When I was called into the courtroom, I discovered that it was actually part of the new call center that opened a few months ago. The judge sat in front of a series of pods where VentureSystems employees were standing around, talking. I saw Gob, now huge from the steroids he has been taking. My sheet kept coming undone and I knew that everyone had seen my tits at least twice by now. I just wanted to cut a cheque and leave.

Which I did. All of the aisles had become covered in dirt and outside was wet from the rain. It was dark and I couldn't find the car. Every time I dream about driving or being in possession of a car, something goes wrong and I usually end up losing the vehicle. And that is what happened again. I decided that this dream was pissing me off too much, so I woke up again.

At least I'm getting out of the house when I sleep.